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Soren turns 3 on Thursday. Wild. Where did the time go, exactly?
I've been turing around the idea of a birthday party in my head and I can't wrap my brain around one. He wants a REAL party. A real party has kids his age (no problem...plenty running around outside on any given day that would gladly eat sugar and drink sugar and celebrate). A real party has cake and icecream and a real party has balloons and presents and the song "Happy Birthday" I've also been informed that a real party has a pinata (sorry, no way to make the nyay...how do I do that anyway?). Of course...when will we have it...Thursday? Will we have it in the common room? Will we have it in the courtyard? ??? All of these things, while I have two clients imminently due, seems overwhelming. And I'm a bit in denial about the birthday.
Get over it, it is so not about me!
His Grandma Bonnie is giving him a brand new tricycle and he will FREAK! Nothing will be as good...and really...what does he need? Nothing. Shoes. Bring on the shoes and socks! LOL!! Balloons and love!!
I've been asked to go berry picking with friends on Tuesday. I probably will. Tuesday evening is someone else's birthday (ZV's son, actually...and her mom). And this is all good. Thursday will likely be a birthday gathering for Soren...though maybe Saturday or Sunday. I've been asked to attend my old church's father's day service, but I think we have decided 100% that church is just not our thing. I never feel relaxed at church stuff (more walls, I'm sure...and really, there's a damn good reason for those walls!).
I've decided to forgo enrolling in the Birthing From Within mentor program at this time. I have too many walls up...too many reservations and the Universe has shown me, in no uncertain terms, that there is no money available for this endeavour (right now). So I will continue with doula work and continue to toss around the idea of a preparing to breastfeed course. These things are right for me. One day down the road I may be ready for BFW, but not yet. And it is not as if I'm not doing that process anyway, I'm just not doing it in the collective...eeek...collectives....the swarm...the...hive...I just can't do that. I'm so much more reclusive and hermit-y than that. Which may not behoove me...I'm sure.
I'm just letting life just happen right now. I'm too tired of trying to guess what will happen or force things into happening. I'm much happier just rolling. BUT, it makes me flakey and undependable. A friend told me, "You BETTER show up on this and this date (well, dateS)" because she wants to spend time with me and my family. And I should feel really happy and honoured about that, but mostly I just want to settle in to my little domain (my family) and hibernate...or wallow in this glorious summer. I don't want any responsibilities save for the massive amount I have for my immediate family. And yet I value so very much my friendly/family contacts...and I mustn't let those stagnate. Must, should, would could if then when?
ARGH!
XXOO
Lately this has been running through my head: "Darkness has a hunger that's insatiable. And lightness has a call that's hard to hear."
Yeah. Very true (that's the indigo girls btw).
I've been turing around the idea of a birthday party in my head and I can't wrap my brain around one. He wants a REAL party. A real party has kids his age (no problem...plenty running around outside on any given day that would gladly eat sugar and drink sugar and celebrate). A real party has cake and icecream and a real party has balloons and presents and the song "Happy Birthday" I've also been informed that a real party has a pinata (sorry, no way to make the nyay...how do I do that anyway?). Of course...when will we have it...Thursday? Will we have it in the common room? Will we have it in the courtyard? ??? All of these things, while I have two clients imminently due, seems overwhelming. And I'm a bit in denial about the birthday.
Get over it, it is so not about me!
His Grandma Bonnie is giving him a brand new tricycle and he will FREAK! Nothing will be as good...and really...what does he need? Nothing. Shoes. Bring on the shoes and socks! LOL!! Balloons and love!!
I've been asked to go berry picking with friends on Tuesday. I probably will. Tuesday evening is someone else's birthday (ZV's son, actually...and her mom). And this is all good. Thursday will likely be a birthday gathering for Soren...though maybe Saturday or Sunday. I've been asked to attend my old church's father's day service, but I think we have decided 100% that church is just not our thing. I never feel relaxed at church stuff (more walls, I'm sure...and really, there's a damn good reason for those walls!).
I've decided to forgo enrolling in the Birthing From Within mentor program at this time. I have too many walls up...too many reservations and the Universe has shown me, in no uncertain terms, that there is no money available for this endeavour (right now). So I will continue with doula work and continue to toss around the idea of a preparing to breastfeed course. These things are right for me. One day down the road I may be ready for BFW, but not yet. And it is not as if I'm not doing that process anyway, I'm just not doing it in the collective...eeek...collectives....the swarm...the...hive...I just can't do that. I'm so much more reclusive and hermit-y than that. Which may not behoove me...I'm sure.
I'm just letting life just happen right now. I'm too tired of trying to guess what will happen or force things into happening. I'm much happier just rolling. BUT, it makes me flakey and undependable. A friend told me, "You BETTER show up on this and this date (well, dateS)" because she wants to spend time with me and my family. And I should feel really happy and honoured about that, but mostly I just want to settle in to my little domain (my family) and hibernate...or wallow in this glorious summer. I don't want any responsibilities save for the massive amount I have for my immediate family. And yet I value so very much my friendly/family contacts...and I mustn't let those stagnate. Must, should, would could if then when?
ARGH!
XXOO
Lately this has been running through my head: "Darkness has a hunger that's insatiable. And lightness has a call that's hard to hear."
Yeah. Very true (that's the indigo girls btw).
