Sep. 3rd, 2012

Prologue

Sep. 3rd, 2012 12:01 pm
gallimaufryma: (Default)
I'm sitting on my funky blue Ikea couch surrounded by piles of folded and unfolded laundry, one of my last tasks before "The School Year" begins. I've been the parent of school aged children for the last 15 years. Funky Monkeys! Josh is entering his last year of highschool at Genesis NE. I hope this year is one of peace and growth for him. Oh how I've struggled in the past in parenting him. Post apron cutting and him living with his dad full time, I find I'm much more at peace and better able to be his advocate than when we were more enmeshed. I have worries in the back of my mind about how life will change for him once he is fully in the adult system, vs the adolescent system he's been a part of (mental health/social services wise). I've not looked into it much YET.

Zea turns 11 tomorrow and she has most certainly entered the pre-teen phase. I don't suppose I will recognize her for the next 12-13 years. Sigh. I will do my best. She's a phenomenal young person and I can't wait to see who she is at 25. I'm not a fan of the teens. Who am I kidding? I can barely tolerate most teens. Ugh.

Soren is 8 and is still in the easy phase. Oh how I relish it! Being my 3rd and presumably my last (never say never, though I do not have any plans for more children...they come into one's life in more ways than via one's gametes), I've relished him in a different way than the other two. And I sure get called out on it! I've been trying to let up on the "baby" thing for quite some time. He's no baby. Not for years and years. Oh dear.

The two youngers start school at Windsor House tomorrow. I have intentions of walking the 4 blocks in the moring to the bus stop, but knowing me, we'll likely leave late and have to drive to one of the numerous stops in our East Van neighbourhood. They'll eagerly get on the bus and off they'll go to our home away from home. I LOVE that I found and chose WH as our school community. I LOVE that Helen has started the Learnery so that, potentially, WH can be in my life as long as I want it (or they want it). Growing up in church community, I wanted something like that for my kids. Church just never worked out for me. Not even the UUs even though I still consider myself a non practicing member. Ha!

In my house, that leaves me. I'll go home from dropping the two youngers and have a coffee and finish any home care tasks I have set out for myself. On Wednesday is when it all begins for me. Midwifery school at UBC begins on Wednesday with Imagine Day/orientation. It looks fairly boring as far as content, but perhaps I'll glean some useful info. Most importantly, I meet all of my cohort (15 of us instead of 16 it looks like) in one place. 14 of us have been on facebook for the last few months. Who is elusive 15? or even 16 (though my last email to our class showed only 15 emails).

I'm so excited to be doing the thing I set out for myself careerwise eons ago (ok 10 years ago). I knew I wanted to be a midwife 6 months into my pregnancy with Zea, but I also knew I couldn't bear or didn't want to bear missing out on their childhoods. I wanted to be there; oh and not to mention the metric tonnes of shit I had to slog through before I'd be ready for school. I'm incredibly proud of myself and I feel worthy of my place in the class, though I worried as I was first on the waitlist instead of once of the lucky admitted right off the bat. Even with all of these buzzy feelings of pride and anticipation, I am sensing the reserved part of me as well. I tend to sit back, quietly getting a sense for "how things are" before I jump in to either 1)set a slightly different course or 2) support what is already going on in the most efficient and useful way. I can be a leader, but will I have to be? We'll see. I'm not the one who is going to jump in at the get go, though to be sure, when I do jump in, it is with both feet in the deep end.

Let's go!
gallimaufryma: (Default)
I want to have some sort of a goal or rather mindset in regards to this journal and my sharing of MW school. I could see how easy it woudl be to get into gossipping and talking about other people's stories. However, I want to focus on my experiences and my knowledge aquisition. I'm not always aware of my self until I see myself in relation to others though, so I'm not quite sure how to negotiate that. Currently I'm noticing how calm I am. I've done my pre-reading for Wednesday and Thursday. I even did the optional reading for the WS course on Wed. It's invigorating and I'm excited to be able to read academic shtuff again.

I had a dream last night about becoming a midwifery student. I've been to over 100 births, and I have learned a great deal of the art of childbirth attendant. However, while I'm an amazing doula and will be an amazing midwife, I'm not a midwife yet. My dream was really a transition into midwifery student. At one of my last births a midwifery student caught the baby supported by the midwife. In my dream, this same student was helping me catch my first MW baby and she was saying, "you know a whole lot, but you are learning this new craft, this new art...and here is how you do it." In my dream it felt like a passing of the torch so to speak. It was a very powerful moment. I woke up full of anticipation and anxiety in my belly. I focused on my breath, letting it grab my attention however it revealed itself to me (usually this starts by noticing the distension of my belly as my diaphragm fills with air). Shortly after I started to read my book because when my 'stomach' fills with anxiety in that way, one of the ways to deal with it is distraction. This morning upon waking was a perfect time for distraction.

I'm very excited.    :)

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