(no subject)

[gallimaufryma]

 I passed both of my OSCEs. Now that they are over it is surely ok to say that they were the Catheterization and partial Newborn Exam (general assessment, head and neck and vitals). I'm satisfied with how I did. Clearly I got 65%or more correct. I do not know my actual grade. >65 doesn't seem like that much. I forgot very important things like head circumference, listen to heart rate for a full minute (not just 6 seconds X 10), noticing nasal flaring, Oh hell, I'll just post them. (wow, just wrote and deleted a thesis for an essay on grades....yikes...I can see I'm in thoughtful procrastination mode. This might be a good thing!).

NB Exam:

·         Overall very well done

·         When assessing respirations, check for grunting and nasal flaring

·         Remember to measure head circumference

·         Assess pupils for symmetry, tracking and reactivity

·         Visualize jaw and chin for normalcy

·         Count heart rate for 60 seconds

 

Catheterisation:

·         Excellent work

·         Contaminated sterile field with glove package – did not notice but did not impact sterility of the procedure

·         Otherwise good understanding of sterile technique

·         XX apologizes for taking away your notes and says that you did a great job without them.

·         Demonstrates clear and logical thinking under pressure.

It's that last line that makes me beam. THIS. THIS is what I must do and learn to do even better. 

I will dissect some. Yeah, my notes were taken away. And wow, over this I could make an issue! But other than an overly dramatic look of shock and dismay...and maybe some deer in the headlights, I just did the catheterization. I studied from pictures of the catheterization steps posted in the lab. Yes, the steps were all posted to our online class area, but it still seems to cumbersome (though every time I test it surpasses my expectations and I see it as a truly useful tool. I must admit it still seems cumbersome because I'm still not fully immersed and I'm still scared.)

I have witnessed more catheters than I can accurately count over the last 6 years. I have never done one, but I can honestly say that for the last 3 years of my doula practice...along with being an available support to my clients, I have paid very close attention to labour and deliver nurses and midwives. I have learned experientially for years...without getting to DO anything. My hands are ready to do what my brain has been directing for a long time. 

So now I'm in school where there is information available to facilitate didactic learning and an attempt at experiential learning, but neither is sufficient at teaching "Demonstrates clear and logical thinking under pressure." That seems to be a sink or swim experience this whole year.

From the time I was 16 I've been asking my elders about their lives, and heeding their advice, both implicit and explicit in their stories. I've done the same with midwifery. I've been asking students for years now how to cope. People say things like, "you'll be fine." and "don't let it get to you, UBC, that is." So, I wasn't. Mostly. 

And then Josh's shit-storm happened. I'm still not letting UBC get to me and I am doing what I need to take care of myself. 

I already know my bottom. I don't need the stress of school to shake me up in order to learn how to manage myself in the midst of stress. It's not easy, though. 

I continue to be so incredibly grateful to my partner, Karen. Even when I'm batshit crazy, she does what she can when she can. Lucky me.