gallimaufryma: (Default)
 I'm just taking it all in.  Silent.  Ok, not silent.

I am not guarded, but I'm also not jumping up and down to give answers in class either.

I'm just going to roll with it.  It's like birth; unpredictable.


gallimaufryma: (Default)
 Most exciting part of this week was receiving my new MacBook Air.  Squee.  And yet it is somewhat anti-climactic.  It's just light.  And clean.  And new.
gallimaufryma: (Default)
First week.

Overwhelmed.

Exhausted.

Basic info. 

Amazing classmates.  Amazing.  I love them all.

Did I mention tired?

Sigh.

Bigger sigh.

I have been triggered.  A grief trigger.  You see, back when all the shitty stuff happened in my life in regards to my church, I lost that community.  Now to be fair, religion has never been my connect.  I was questioning the validity of loaves and fishes and heaven when I was 8 and it have never seen my awed-at-the-universe feelings through the lens of religion (though I tried....I tried Christianity and Wicca...earnestly, I might add).  Anyway, I did miss the community of Lutherans and of course, I felt betrayed by them as well.  This could be why church just doesn't do it for me.  Maybe I just cannot trust church community (even the UUs). 

So three of my classmates have talked about being Christian (the only ones to mention their religious beliefs...I wouldn't know if anyone else follows anything else).  And one of them for sure is Lutheran and another was a chaplain and is just...churchy.  I wanted to dislike them and eye roll at them for their silly beliefs.  But I really like them.  I do.  And they remind me of al that was good about the Lutheran church.  And that triggers me, because that was taken away from me.

My friend J and I had lunch.  She's in the BSW/MSW program out at UBC.  She asked if maybe there was a part of me that, had the assault not happened, was still living somewhere in MN and going to a Lutheran church.  And I burst into tears.  Of course.  There was a part of me as a child that saw myself there forever and in that community forever.  

And it doesn't matter that I actually believe religion causes more angst and harm in the world than it helps...because I can't help what I was raised in.  I can't help what I imprinted on.  Thing is, these women in my class, they remind me of that wound every fucking time I see them and I really get tired of this tender spot being touched so frequently.  

For a long while I figured it was totally healed over into thick, but softened, scar tissue.  But no, there are still parts that ooze and bleed and make me cry.

I hate it.  It's not fair.  I didn't ask for this.  Motherfucker!  All of that.  again.

yay.  I guess i'm just mostly annoyed that it is always there.  Like a windshield with a chip.  It's been repaired, but not quite.  A mar. 

Perhaps this is a piece of forgiveness (because I don't have another word) that I have yet to do.  I must put down this rock I carry with me, eh?

I like how someone else put it.  "releasing people"  I can release them.  I can release me.
gallimaufryma: (Default)
I want to have some sort of a goal or rather mindset in regards to this journal and my sharing of MW school. I could see how easy it woudl be to get into gossipping and talking about other people's stories. However, I want to focus on my experiences and my knowledge aquisition. I'm not always aware of my self until I see myself in relation to others though, so I'm not quite sure how to negotiate that. Currently I'm noticing how calm I am. I've done my pre-reading for Wednesday and Thursday. I even did the optional reading for the WS course on Wed. It's invigorating and I'm excited to be able to read academic shtuff again.

I had a dream last night about becoming a midwifery student. I've been to over 100 births, and I have learned a great deal of the art of childbirth attendant. However, while I'm an amazing doula and will be an amazing midwife, I'm not a midwife yet. My dream was really a transition into midwifery student. At one of my last births a midwifery student caught the baby supported by the midwife. In my dream, this same student was helping me catch my first MW baby and she was saying, "you know a whole lot, but you are learning this new craft, this new art...and here is how you do it." In my dream it felt like a passing of the torch so to speak. It was a very powerful moment. I woke up full of anticipation and anxiety in my belly. I focused on my breath, letting it grab my attention however it revealed itself to me (usually this starts by noticing the distension of my belly as my diaphragm fills with air). Shortly after I started to read my book because when my 'stomach' fills with anxiety in that way, one of the ways to deal with it is distraction. This morning upon waking was a perfect time for distraction.

I'm very excited.    :)

Prologue

Sep. 3rd, 2012 12:01 pm
gallimaufryma: (Default)
I'm sitting on my funky blue Ikea couch surrounded by piles of folded and unfolded laundry, one of my last tasks before "The School Year" begins. I've been the parent of school aged children for the last 15 years. Funky Monkeys! Josh is entering his last year of highschool at Genesis NE. I hope this year is one of peace and growth for him. Oh how I've struggled in the past in parenting him. Post apron cutting and him living with his dad full time, I find I'm much more at peace and better able to be his advocate than when we were more enmeshed. I have worries in the back of my mind about how life will change for him once he is fully in the adult system, vs the adolescent system he's been a part of (mental health/social services wise). I've not looked into it much YET.

Zea turns 11 tomorrow and she has most certainly entered the pre-teen phase. I don't suppose I will recognize her for the next 12-13 years. Sigh. I will do my best. She's a phenomenal young person and I can't wait to see who she is at 25. I'm not a fan of the teens. Who am I kidding? I can barely tolerate most teens. Ugh.

Soren is 8 and is still in the easy phase. Oh how I relish it! Being my 3rd and presumably my last (never say never, though I do not have any plans for more children...they come into one's life in more ways than via one's gametes), I've relished him in a different way than the other two. And I sure get called out on it! I've been trying to let up on the "baby" thing for quite some time. He's no baby. Not for years and years. Oh dear.

The two youngers start school at Windsor House tomorrow. I have intentions of walking the 4 blocks in the moring to the bus stop, but knowing me, we'll likely leave late and have to drive to one of the numerous stops in our East Van neighbourhood. They'll eagerly get on the bus and off they'll go to our home away from home. I LOVE that I found and chose WH as our school community. I LOVE that Helen has started the Learnery so that, potentially, WH can be in my life as long as I want it (or they want it). Growing up in church community, I wanted something like that for my kids. Church just never worked out for me. Not even the UUs even though I still consider myself a non practicing member. Ha!

In my house, that leaves me. I'll go home from dropping the two youngers and have a coffee and finish any home care tasks I have set out for myself. On Wednesday is when it all begins for me. Midwifery school at UBC begins on Wednesday with Imagine Day/orientation. It looks fairly boring as far as content, but perhaps I'll glean some useful info. Most importantly, I meet all of my cohort (15 of us instead of 16 it looks like) in one place. 14 of us have been on facebook for the last few months. Who is elusive 15? or even 16 (though my last email to our class showed only 15 emails).

I'm so excited to be doing the thing I set out for myself careerwise eons ago (ok 10 years ago). I knew I wanted to be a midwife 6 months into my pregnancy with Zea, but I also knew I couldn't bear or didn't want to bear missing out on their childhoods. I wanted to be there; oh and not to mention the metric tonnes of shit I had to slog through before I'd be ready for school. I'm incredibly proud of myself and I feel worthy of my place in the class, though I worried as I was first on the waitlist instead of once of the lucky admitted right off the bat. Even with all of these buzzy feelings of pride and anticipation, I am sensing the reserved part of me as well. I tend to sit back, quietly getting a sense for "how things are" before I jump in to either 1)set a slightly different course or 2) support what is already going on in the most efficient and useful way. I can be a leader, but will I have to be? We'll see. I'm not the one who is going to jump in at the get go, though to be sure, when I do jump in, it is with both feet in the deep end.

Let's go!
gallimaufryma: (Default)
"My guess is that the property use inspectors (who wrote you up) simply haven’t been informed that the council is pro-gardens. Most of the inspectors have been employed for the duration of several councils, so it may be a case of ignorance by the property use inspectors.

As suggested above, write a polite email to the mayor and council. Explain that you interpreted the creation of the City Hall Community Garden to mean that council supports urban agriculture, and that you and your roommates have converted your lawn into a garden – but you have been told by the property use inspectors that this change is unacceptable. Explain that you feel that while the council is publicly promoting urban agriculture, the city staff don’t seem to have received the memo! Additionally, mention the signatures that you have collected from neighbours in support of your garden.

(If you need more ammunition, check out the documents on this webpage: http://vancouver.ca/greenestcity/index.htm ).

Be sure to also CC the email to the Greenest City Action Team [greenestcity@vancouver.ca]; Deputy City Manager Sadhu Johnston [sadhu.johnston@vancouver.ca] (he is in charge of promoting all things “green” at City Hall); Barb Windsor, Assistant Director & Chief Licence Inspector [barb.windsor@vancouver.ca]; and Carlene Robbins, Manager of Property Use Branch Staff [carlene.robbins@vancouver.ca]. Clearly list all of these names and address at the bottom of your email (in addition to simply popping the email addresses into the CC field).

And as you’re aware, there are dozens of urban agriculture organizations in Vancouver. Get them to write an email to the mayor and council in your favour (and get them to CC their emails to the list above as well)."
gallimaufryma: (Default)
Tody I did a spa day at home. I lit candles, used clary sage, soake in a hotbath, used youtube for guided visualization, listened to that cliched spa music and thoroughly relaxed.

Then I dragged myself into my anatomy lab (urinalysis) but skipped another human anatomy lecture. The prof said she really doesn't care if we come to class at all...that makes takes away my motivation especially when I teach myself during study anyway. I really love the lab. I guess if midwifery school is a busy I could bexome a lab person.
gallimaufryma: (Default)
Such silent percolation. My grounds a mix of sand, and sludge, coffee and ether. What will be the flavour of my swill?

Slow to drip, slow to take form. If you drink me now, take me inside of you, thinking me complete, you will not know all I have to offer.

Yet only when the pot is empty, and only if you were along for the whole ride, can you even begin to know.

Take this time and have a cuppa. Who knows where we'll be in 10 years.
gallimaufryma: (Default)
Gourmet Cheese Sandwich alla Abby
Preheat oven to 350
2 slices bread of choice, toasted.

Butter each slice of bread on one side while hot.  Place butter side down on a cookie sheet.
top with:
handful of cheddar cheese grated mixed with 1 tsp minced onion (fresh), 1 tsp mayo and a half tsp dijon or whole grain mustrard.  Place 4 mini grape bocconcini on top
Bake in over till golden brown on bottom and melty

top with slow roasted tomatoes dressed with balsamic and olive oil and sprinkle with chiffonade (sp?) of basil.

MMMMMmmmm

Raven

Jul. 1st, 2010 08:38 pm
gallimaufryma: (Default)
Whatcha got
whatcha got in your hand
the father said his son
I got the whole world here daddy
'tween my fingers and my thumb
will you take care of it please?
it's the only one
it'd take me a lifetime old man
to undo whatcha done
to undo whatcha done
oh c'mon now
boy think what would Jesus do
he'd shake his head like an angry mother
spoke the boy and say ‘I did what I could do'
will you take care of it please?
it's the only one ya got
it'll take ten lifetimes boy
to unto what I've done
boy shrugged walked away
the man stood and watched as he was leaving
Boy just walked away
The man stood alone thinking
One hand is bleeding
And the other hand holds a gun
While everything is open
Everything is shut down, down, down
Begin to ending is really
Just a go round, and round, and round
As I stand here, the ground beneath is nothing
More than one point of view
What you got, what you got in your hand?
Your secret's safe with me
Well I found the truth friend
Let me whisper in your ear
Take good care of it please
It's the only one there is
Can I twist please, can I give it just a little twist?
Boy shrugged walked away
The man stood and watched that boy disappearing
Boy just walked away
The man stood there twisting
One hand is bleeding, and the other hand holds the gun
Everything is open
Now everything is shut down, down, down
No one is hoping, even if you know
You never know it all
The ground beneath is
Nothing more than my point of view
Boy shrugged walked away
The man stood and watched, the boy was leaving
Boy just walked away
The man stood there twisting
One hand is open and the other hand holds the gun
Everything is undone
Or is everything coming down, down, down
No one is hoping, even if you know
You never know it all
Nothing more than my point of view.

Boy shrugged walked away
The man stood and watched as he was leaving
The man just stood there twisting
gallimaufryma: (Default)
This recipe is slightly adapted form the one found here

Baked Chiles Rellenos "casserole"

28 oz can of San Miguel whole poblano peppers
4 oz. Monterey Jack cheese with jalapenos (I used cheddar cheese)
2 cups cooked turkey (I used no meat and I would never use turkey  Ick!)
1/2 cup flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup milk
3 eggs, separated, whites beaten to a stiff peak.
2/3 cup shredded cheddar

Lightly grease an 11x7 baking dish. (I think a 9x9 would work, as well, but I haven't tried that.)

If you want the red sauce, pour about 4 ounces of tomato sauce (plain) in the bottom of the dish. Sprinkle some chopped onion and minced garlic over the sauce, and add black pepper and cumin to taste. (I used about 1/4 of a medium onion, 2 cloves of garlic, about 1/2 tsp. cumin, and a little pepper.) (I used powdered garlic and onion and cumin, salt and black pepper because it was fast and easy)

Drain and rinse the chiles.  Cut them up one side, seed them, and open them flat.  Arrange in the baking dish.  (I find it easier to fill them before arranging them in the dish.)

Cut the cheese and chicken into 1/2-inch strips (I used shredded, again, easier).  Fill each chile with cheese and chicken strips.  Fold over edges of chiles and place seam-side down in dish (my peppers were all broken, mostly whole, but there was no seam side down, etc..

In a medium bowl, combine flour, baking powder, and salt.  In a small bowl, whisk the milk and eggs yolk.  Slowly add egg mixture to flour mixture, beating until smooth. Fold in egg whites beaten to a stiff peak.   Pour over prepared chiles.

Bake at 450 degrees for 15 minutes.  Remove from oven and turn off heat. Sprinkle shredded cheese over top and return to oven for one minute to melt cheese.

I served this with my homemade refried pinto beans

quick soak 1lb.

after 1 hour, drain, rinse, add new water. 
Bring to a boil with a good teaspoon or two of epazote, Mexican oregano, 6-8 garlic cloves, one chopped onion, 3 bay leaves and several pepper corns (which I picked out in the end...next time I'd probably leave them out or just use ground pepper), and one dried chile...red...I don't know the name.  Ancho?  could be.  It was bright red and big like an ancho once rehydrated.  Anyway, I deseeded the dried pepper and broke it into itty bitty pieces and added to the beans.  Boiled at med. heat for 1.5 hours.  stirred and mashed and immersion blended till smooth.  Cooked for another half hour whilst stirring contsantly at med then turned to low and let sit and stirred occasionally for a few hours.  YUM...oh, salt to taste. 


I also served it with Mexican Rice III from allrecipes.com

YUMMMY!!!


gallimaufryma: (Default)
1 cup whipping cream
3 oz baker's bittersweet choc. (which is 67% cacao....3 squares)
2 tsp sugar

  1. Place chopped chocolate in a medium-sized bowl.
  2. Heat heavy cream and sugar (if using) in a large heavy saucepan over med-hi heat until it simmers gently.
  3. Immediately pour the hot cream over the chocolate and stir gently until the chocolate is mostly melted.
  4. Let stand for 15mins to be sure all chocolate is melted.
  5. Stir ganache gently until perfectly smooth, let cool.
  6. Cover and chill for at least 6 hours, preferably overnight (it must be very cold or it will curdle when it's whipped; ganache can be made up to 4 days ahead).
  7. When you're ready to assemble the cake (and NOT before), whip ganache until it's stiff enough to hold a nice shape and seems spreadable (Don't overwhip; overwhipped ganache looks granular, so watch carefully).
  8. Spread whipped ganache immediately, as it will firm as it sits.
  9. NOTE: if using 50-60% bittersweet chocolate, use 4 oz of chocolate and omit the sugar; if using 60-64% chocolate, use 3.5 oz of chocolate and omit sugar; if using 66-72% chocolate, use 3 oz and add the optional sugar to give the ganache a bit of'lift'.

Food Post

Feb. 18th, 2010 07:54 pm
gallimaufryma: (Default)
Lentil sunflower pie with Almond gravy

¾ c. brown lentils
1 ¾ cups water
1 medium onion, diced
1 cup quick oats
½ cup sunflower seeds
1 stalk celery chopped (optional)
1 clove garlic, roughly chopped
2 Tbsp. HP sauce (or Bull’s Eye or ketchup, but HP sauce is excellent)
2 Tbsp. soy sauce
2 Tbsp. balsamic vinegar
1 Tbsp. cider vinegar
2 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp. oregano
1/8 tsp. salt
pepper to taste


In a large pot over medium-high heat, combine the lentils and water and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low, cover and let cook for 15-20 minutes. Add the onions, stir through and let cook for another 10-15 minutes, covered, until the lentils are soft and have absorbed all the water. In a blender or food processor, combine the lentils with the remaining ingredients and puree until just smooth but retaining some texture.
Transfer lentil mixture to lightly oiled pie plate and distribute evenly. Bake at 375 degrees for 27-30 minutes until lightly browned and just firm. Let stand for a few minutes to firm up and serve wedges with sauce as desired (I used sweet baby ray's sauce IN the pie)

Almond Gravy
Ingredients
2 cloves garlice 
1 cup raw almonds 
1 1/4 cups water
2 tbsp low sodium soy sauce 
2 tbsp kuzu root  (I used cornstarch)
1/4 tsp dried thyme 
1/4 tsp sage 
 
Directions
1. Chop up garlic in food processor or blender. 
2. Add the almonds and process into fine crumbs. 
3. Add the remaining ingredients and process until relatively smooth. 
4. Transfer to a sauce pot over medium heat. 
5. Stir often until thickened, about 5 minutes.  It thickened up right at 5 minutes and because it was quite thick, I probably added at least another 1/2 cup if not 1 full cup of water....just add water till it gets thick enough.  AND I added a bit of kitchen bouquet to it as well (a teaspoon or so).
gallimaufryma: (Default)
*This journal is friends only.  Periodically I get in a mood to change my friends list...and I don't always remember why and I don't always check to see if someone has added me.  Sooo, if you'd like to be on my friends filter, let me know and I'll consider it.  For the most part I know everyone who is on my f-list irl.
gallimaufryma: (Default)

 

Ingredients

Directions

  1. 1
    Combine tomato products in large stock pot or dutch oven.
  2. 2
    Add a 28 ounce can of water and stir.
  3. 3
    Bring to a boil and reduce to a simmer.
  4. 4
    Sprinkle with sugar, salt, pepper, Italian seasoning, garlic powder, parsley and grated cheese and stir to combine.
  5. 5
    In a frying pan, heat about 1/4" of vegetable oil and fry up your sausage or meatballs until cooked through.
  6. 6
    Add the meat to the simmering sauce, along with any optional meats (recommended) mentioned in ingredients.
  7. 7
    Now, this is an important, not to be left out, step: Add chopped onions and garlic to pan that meat was fried in.
  8. 8
    Do not drain anything before adding onions and garlic-- there should be some drippings/oil left in the pan!
  9. 9
    Fry onions and garlic until tender and aromatic.
  10. 10
    Remove pan from heat.
  11. 11
    Another important step, not to be left out: Add about 1/2 cup water to the pan and swish around, combining the leftover drippings and onion and garlic.
  12. 12
    Pour and scrape it all into the simmering sauce.
  13. 13
    Stir to combine.
  14. 14
    Let simmer for 3 hours or until desired consistency, stirring occasionally.
  15. 15
    I keep mine only half way covered, so it cooks down and gets thick and rich.
  16. 16
    Remove pepperoni, chicken and ribs if used.
  17. 17
    Remove meat from bones of chicken and ribs and add back to sauce in small shreds.
  18. 18
    Discard pepperoni, eat it, or chop it up and add it back to sauce.
  19. 19
    Serve over your favorite pasta and enjoy.



ngredients

  • 2 lbs lean ground beef
  • 8-10 slices white bread, broken into small 1/2 inch pieces (or you can use rolls or any stale bread you have and want to use up)
  • 2 eggs, slightly beaten
  • 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder (or to taste)
  • 1 teaspoon italian seasoning (or to taste)
  • 2 teaspoons parsley flakes (or to taste)
  • 1/4-1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese (or Locatelli)
  • 1-2 teaspoon salt
  • 1/4-1/2 teaspoon black pepper
  • olive oil or vegetable oil (for frying)

Directions

  1. 1
    Mix all ingredients gently in a large bowl until well combined.
  2. 2
    Roll meatballs 1 1/2- 1 3/4" in diameter.
  3. 3
    Heat about 1/4" of oil over medium heat in a large frying pan.
  4. 4
    Fry meatballs in oil, rolling frequently, until evenly browned and juices run clear.
  5. 5
    Drop meatballs in your favorite sauce (I highly recommend My Mama Iuliucci's"Don't Skip a Step" Spaghetti Sauce recipe#26947) and let simmer for awhile to flavor sauce or just serve with your favorite pasta and sauce.
  6. 6
    Tip: You can also bake or broil these if the frying part is too much of a hassle-- I use my broiler pan if I bake them, so the fat drips down and away from the meatballs.
gallimaufryma: (Default)

for those of you in the know about such things:  Whatcha think about this bike?  I'm in love.  gonna get fenders and a bike rack, some lights, a helmet and a lock (the one they quoted me is a very 'spensive lock...$190??? wow.)  I'mn ot 100% sure...but I'm prettty sure.  I went to a few shops today.  I don't want a commuter.  I really don't want just a cruiser (though I like them, I just think I need more gears).  We'll see what I think of it after I ride it around my neighbourhood and especially up the hill outside my door!  I've got 1200 toward this bike...I might as well spend it.  of course, I could also just get a decent 3 speed and buy the little some decent but cheap kids bikes too...nah...let's go all out.  I'd have this bike the rest of my life!

gallimaufryma: (Default)
frijoles volteados  OMG.  super creamy/smooth refried beans of Guatemala.  Mmmmmm with epazote

 

Tomorrow I'm making brunch for me and Josh  It is on the menu at El Barrio:  Fried eggs on a bed of  beans and tortillas topped with salsas de chile verde y chile rojo (both of which I've made from scratch) with a side of my oven fries and horchata (also home made) to drink.  OMG.  Oh yes, and topped with queso fresca and mexican creme or both!


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